I have had a feeling something was wrong

apparently frequent beach days just aren't enough

Remember back in March I talked about my low vitamin D levels? I really thought that moving to California would solve my problems and I would feel never feel bad again. Unfortunately I was wrong. About 2 months ago I started having some feelings of sluggishness and the occasional dizzy spell. I have also been back on the weight loss bandwagon, I just assumed my issue was dehydration or not enough calories or carbs. It didn't take long for me to start having shortness of breath again, This was my first clue that my D levels were still messed up.

I finally got around to having my doctor put in an order for the blood work, and I got a call this last week saying, yes my levels were low again. Even though I have been spending more time in the sun, I am still at 25, which my current doctor described as a "grey area" between good and bad. Although he agreed that my symptoms were certainly not typical, they are not out of the realm of possibly related, so I am back on Vitamin D. This time as a lower, over the counter level, I will likely be on this for the foreseeable future. It's something that I can deal with if it means I will feel better.
I am also hoping that along with helping the shortness of breath, and lethargy, that perhaps also my inability to focus is also a result of my low levels and with just a few days of vitamins that I will have a much easier time with my studies. Because That one history class really sucks, maybe vitamin D will make it better. If not I've only got 4 more weeks. 

Vitamin D Deficiency (or- This would have never happened in Okinawa)

I got pretty sick in January/ February, Cold, upper respiratory infection, sinus infection, all pretty much at once. I put off going to the doctor for weeks but my symptoms only got worse. Finally I caved and went in, got diagnosed and I began treatment, and after a change in medicine I started to improve. But a few weeks after I started to feel better, I started to feel bad again, I was having waves of shortness of breath, often accompanied by nausea, dizziness and the shakes, similar to how I felt when I was sick earlier. I really just wrote it off as anxiety because we are so close to moving, and we have a lot going on in the month between leaving Montana and arriving in California. Also if you know me IRL I have sort of been complaining of the winter blues for the last couple months.
Also my monthly cycle got really screwed up at first I blamed this on being sick too, but when it happened again after I was better I decided to go to the doctor because it was possible that there was something hormonal or thyroid going on. After lots of questions and blood work I was told everything was A-Okay except my Vitamin D was not only low, but really low. 30-100 is normal, below 25 is considered a deficiency, my number was in the low 20s. When I got this diagnosis I giggled a little inside, I am a sun worshiper, I love being outside in the warm sunshine. I am likely at a higher risk for melanoma because as a kid I spent almost every day of summer vacation at the pool often nursing a sunburn afterwards. Same in Okinawa, I had a nice tan year round. But here in Montana there is only 3ish months where you can go outside in shorts and a tank top. My sun exposure is easily less than a quarter what it has been most of my life. I am also missing out on the other great sources of Vitamin D; fish and fortified milk, neither of which I get much of. Fish in my area scares me, I live next to a very toxic mine, so I don't fish and almost all the ocean fish at the grocery is farmed, also I just don't do milk.

My doctor prescribed me high dosage vitamin D supplements, one a week for 8 weeks, then I need to get my levels re-tested. I am also planning, besides adding regular sunshine back into my diet, to start taking supplements, to make sure this doesn't happen again. I started my first dose last week and I have only had 3 breathing "episodes", versus the 2-3 I was having daily. I have also noticed an increase in my energy, and maybe even my mood, although I'm still bitchy because it's still cold as shit. 

I know google is not your friend when you are sick, but WebMd and a lot of other general doctor websites say there really isn't any physical symptoms associated with Vitamin D deficiency, besides muscle and bone weakness and rickets. But when I googled "vitamin d deficiency shortness of breath" I got tons of hits. If you google hard enough you will always find someone that says you are right, even if you are wrong. But I found comfort in the fact that people also had the same physical symptom that I was, and they found relief. Because honestly I was initially worried that there was no answer, or it was the anxiety and this was a symptom I would just have to learn to live with.
So I am finally back on the road to recovery. I hope for real this time, I need to get out and be more active, my weight loss has stalled and I feel like I have been stuck in a "end of winter slump" of lethargy and lazy. I really want to go outside and walk, feel the sun on my skin, but there is too much snow still on the ground for the stroller, and I don't trust myself to baby wear and walk in the snow, I'll fall and hurt us both.

I really hope this explains why I have been a little down the last few weeks/months. and I really hope things will start looking up for me again.

Has anyone else dealt with a vitamin D deficiency? How did it affect you? 

Winter Blues- update

I think I am back, hopefully I can get to posting again. I have been knee deep in the winter blues, and sickness. What started as a cold, turned into a sinus infection, and then turned into an upper respiratory infection, all over the course of about a month. It finally caught up with me, not being able to breathe, and not being able to get anything done around the house, and barely being able to keep up with Evelyn, I finally went to the doctor and began antibiotics, Slowly I have been improving, and after an antibiotic change I think I feel 100% again, but it's been so long since I felt better I am not sure. So between being knee deep in snow, seriously almost a foot this week, and the winter blues, I am so ready to move to Southern California, where it never will snow. I check the weather every day, it's so beautiful in Oceanside, and our forecast is calling for more snow. 

Yeah, I can't even make this shit up.

Saturday Morning 

Saturday Morning

Tuesday Morning
more snow, yay (heavy with the sarcasm)

But things are still looking good for our move, we should leave Montana some time in early/mid april and we will begin our trek across country to visit Evey's Grandparents, Uncles, and Aunts. Then we will head back west to Camp Pendleton. To say I am excited is an understatement. I have a countdown on my phone and We have about 60 days left until we leave! 

except I don't think we'll go through vegas on our way down, we'll just drive through northern arizona like we usually do.

Its going to be a huge pain in the ass at first because we will be driving 2 cars, 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 baby from Montana to Arizona, then leaving one car and the animals at my parents house and my sisters place. Then picking them back up on our way to California. 

For our short time left here in Montana, I hope the weather improves so we can have some nice weekends to spend outdoors with our friends, and Evey's little boy friend, before we move. It really sucks that both places we lived here in Montana, we start making friends when we are about to leave.

Go Link up! 

Bad dog

I am so mad at this little guy right now. 

See he has a tendency to get into shit. But I'm used to it. And to an extent my house is already baby proofed because we Renji proofed a long time ago. Every now and then he finds something. A few weeks ago I broke an ice tray, I was my usual lazy self and wasn't prompt at cleaning it all up. Renji came trotting up with broken plastic in his mouth. I fished it all out, and after several hours (or maybe one hour) of finding all the pieces to make sure the jigsaw puzzle of broken plastic fit and I had all the pieces. I quit panicking. I know dogs ingesting foreign objects is a big cause of doggie ER visits, I know because Renji has caused us a couple. He also once got a bottle of Benadryl, he only at the bottle though not the pills, this dog has caused me many gray hairs. 

So today. 

I am very protective of my dogs, you could call me a helicopter mom, so I don't let them outside alone, I let them on the porch, which is contained and about 8-12 feet off the ground. Aint no one stealing my dogs off the porch. Well earlier this week I put my seed starters outside so they could acclimate so I could put them in the ground (and they all died, but whatever). I should mention another thing Renji likes to eat is dirt, and seed starters especially. Well I found that little shit eating seed starters then I found toothpicks. Oh no! I used toothpicks with the names of plants taped to them, Renji has been chewing on toothpicks. Again with the panic. I instantly imagine that I will be dropping at least $300 to x-ray and likely remove toothpicks from his tummy... 

All is well though, I found all the pieces and there are no toothpicks missing. So my little guy is spared again from me dipping into his college fund. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a dog that gets into EVERYTHING! 

I'm still here

Sorry I didn't mean to drop off the face of the earth, but this has been a very rough week.
Tuesday night I wasn't feeling great, I thought it was just a cranky stomach, but after 8 hours of nonstop vomit and... other forms of stomach evacuation... I realized something was wrong. I am pretty sure I threw up more in 10 hours than I have in the last 10 years.
By 8 am I had been sick for 10 hours and I couldn't even keep water down.
I called the doctor and was told I needed to come in and be seen in urgent care.

So a dose of Zofran, 3 vials of blood, a 1 ltr IV, and 4+ hours later later I was permitted to go home. My diagnosis: nope not the McD's I had for dinner, it was Norovirus (stomach flu).  I had specific instructions to stay hydrated, drink pedialite, and not to even think of trying food for several more hours. The thing that really sucked? Paul left that morning for Great Falls, about once a month he does an overnight up there for work. So I was all alone for 2 days, with my bad dogs.

It was rough, on all of us. I unfortunately had to kennel the dogs almost all day, and I just took them out every few hours to potty. I spent the whole day trying to sleep, but mostly just tossing and turning, and counting the hours until I could take my next dose of anti puke meds. By the evening I could handle the dogs being out and we laid on the couch and watched some TV and I was back in bed by nine.
The next morning I ate my first sold food. 1 piece of toast and an apple. I always remember my mom taught me when I was younger, when you are sick you get the BRAT diet. B-Bananas, R-Rice, A-Apples T-Toast. My small amount of food was delicious, and it stayed down! Paul got home that afternoon and he played with the dogs, We had subway for dinner and my simple turkey sammich was great. I spent the next few days regaining my strength, and slowly adding more of an array food to my diet.
I am fairly certain I am back to normal. I also learned upon returning to work, that it spread through my store like wild fire, and a large percentage of the employees were out sick this week.
Also, have you ever thrown something up and then been totally unable to even think about eating it ever again? I am one of those people, I didn't eat chili cheese dogs from derWeinerschnitzel for almost a year after throwing them up once. Well, I don't think I'll eat McD's for a very, very long time.

March!

Source: tumblr.com via Alana on Pinterest

I think I have finally awoken from the haze that was the flu. Good thing too, I am scheduled to work tonight.

This month my goals are:
sew my purses that I bought fabric for two weeks ago.
hang out with females more than once.
eat less fast food and more veggies.
exercise my portly little doggies.
welcome spring with a clean house!

I feel like a whole new me since getting over the flu. Maybe because I have not been that helpless in a long time, and I have a strong urge to do something productive since this has, by far, been the most unproductive week in a very long time. Or maybe because, despite the fact that it's 24 right now, and it snowed yesterday, Spring is in the air. The grass should start turning green again soon, be bunnies are loosing their snow fur and becoming brown, and I think the sun is peeking out from the clouds. well maybe not that last part yet, but any day now.

Flu

Source: tumblr.com via Alana on Pinterest

I've spent the last 4 days laid up with the flu. 

I don't remember ever being this sick in my life. 

I couldn't stand for more than a few seconds without getting nauseous and dizzy. I have been laying down since Saturday afternoon. getting off the couch pretty much only to move to the bed and back, and a quick trip to the doctor yesterday.

I've had a fever hovering around 102 and a cough that hurts my chest like nothing else. Oh and the body aches, they were awful, my legs hurt so freaking bad.

I've lost more than 5 pounds because I couldn't stand long enough to prepare my own food, and I really have had no appetite. (I had to fend for myself because husband was away for work, but he's back in town to take care of me now)

I went to the doctor yesterday, and she confirmed that I do indeed have the flu.

But last night my fever broke, it was a glorious feeling and I knew that it was a good sign when I woke up drenched in sweat three times last night. 

Today I am able to sit upright without being nauseous, and I think I may even be hungry. 

I have a whole new respect for the flu, I've thought i've had it before, but I have not. The flu sucks and I don't wish it upon anyone! 

I am such a baby. Just ask my mommy.

Source: someecards.com via Alana on Pinterest

Yesterday my mommy told me I had no excuse to complain about not feeling well, if I refused to take anything for it.
Well she is wrong. I am sick, like swine flu or H1N1, maybe even SARS!
I feel terrible, my throat feels like sand paper, I am freezing, and starting this morning the nasal drainage is making me want to puke.
I can complain all I want. I can even cry if i want. SO THERE!
I did however go to the store and get some 'tussin and I am going to dope myself up and knit, or make a yarn wreath. Or just watch RHWOBH & Rachel Zoe.

To make myself feel better for dinner I am making Pioneer Woman Sausage Potato & Kale soup. but I think I am gonna add bacon. :)

Source: someecards.com via Alana on Pinterest

Long Weekend

It's been a long few days, I've missed a few posts that I wanted to do, but I've been under the weather. Yesterday (friday) I was at work and got sick, wrenching stomach pains. The best way I can describe is that scene in alien

{alien the movie}

Yeah that one... well friday I was pretty sure that was going to happen to me. The second worst pain in my life, second only to a rupturing ovarian cyst, and that was so bad I passed out from the pain.

But Friday sucked. I was planning on going to the doctor, but couldn't get an appt. so I went to urgent care. Urgent care sent me to the ER because they were 90% sure I had appendicitis. So then I went to the ER and after a few hours, and lots of tests, my appendix is fine. The rest of me however is not, and no one can tell me know why. I was sent home with no diagnosis. I currently have mild to moderate pain in my abdomen, it's high between my belly button and sternum, and goes to the right. I will get more tests when I can get into my doctor, but as of right now I am just in a serious state of uncomfortable-ness. The sharp, wrenching, alien baby, pain has subsided. I just feel like I got in a serious fight yesterday and lost, I am achey and sore, beat up and tired. I'll have some tests on my ovaries and gall bladder as soon as I can, the other possibility is some bug, but Paul isn't sick so I don't think it's a bug. I guess that sums up my absence.

bleh

I have a tummy ache.

that is all.

Next time you worry about germs

did you know that when Europeans came to the Americas that roughly 9 out of every 10 people were killed. The numbers are estimated around 75 Million people inhabited the Americas (North, South & Central) and 90% of them died. Why? it wasn't all by the sword, it was mostly from sickness. Europeans brought with them many diseases like small pox, which spread rampant through early civilizations and people died in massive numbers. so why did all the Americans drop like flys and Europeans were fine, because the Europeans had been exposed and their ancestors had been exposed to these germs for thousands of years, so they had build up a bit of a resistance. The Americans had no resistance, they were not in any contact with Asia and Europe so they had not been exposed to Eurasian peoples since they crossed the Bering Strait in 20,000 BC. No common contact, no mild germ exposure, no defense.

The reason I am sharing this is, being a germaphobe only sets you up to get sicker, not exposing yourself to mild germs prevents your body from building needed antibodies that can help you fight when "the big one" comes and you get really sick.

I need to follow my own words because I am a germaphobe, I carry hand sanitizer with me, I wash my hands dozens of times a day. it's sort of sad. But after an enlightening discussion in my history class ab

out this, I have decided to not be such a spaz because a cold wont kill me, in fact I think I'm more likely to die from exhaustion considering my current schedule than I am to get a deadly flu (swine flu you stay away!)

also recent studies show that antibacterial soap can do more harm than good, causing bacterias to mutate and form more resistant strains (ever heard of MRSA)

Don't Belive Me? READ

and since it's on the internet we know it must be true, becuase the internet doesnt lie! (serious thread, needed humor)

Life

Things have been crazy here, Paul's getting ready to deploy, he's been training like crazy, we've been trying to squeeze every second we can from the time we have. It hasn't been easy. I've been sick, not coughing sick, it's hard to explain, a wile ago, about a month or so, I had an "episode" where I pretty much blacked out while driving. Weird part was I didn't loose control of the car, I continued to drive, I just couldnt remember it, when my brain turned back on, it was only a few seconds, but it was very scary. about a week later it happened again, this time at home. My doctors went back and forth and decided it was Effexor, which I have been taking for Atypical Depression for about 5 months. They cut my dose in half to start to wean me off, then pulled the plug on it last week.

I knew it would suck, Effexor gets in your body and you form a dependence to it. Even though a few weeks prior I had gone to half my normal dose, when I stopped completely it was hell. the first 24 hours wern't too bad, then the nausea kicked in, spinning, shakes, hot flashes, itching, mood swings. the last week has been very hard on me emotionally, I came off the drug, I found out Paul was leaving ALOT sooner than I anticipated, and I was coming off this drug, which made things seem ten times worse. I cried for really no reason several times. I got furiously angry with Paul again, for really no reason. (at the time it seemed to me like him asking me where the pampered chef stuff came from was a reason to flip out, now in retrospect, I see.... I was crazy) and the spinning, I felt like I was going to fall off the floor when i was just sitting there. I caved on my birthday and couldnt take it anymore, I broke open a pill (they are capsules) and took about half of what was inside. This is a common way people come off this drug, it can be so bad for people on day they take thirty inside pieces, the next day they take 29, and they will still have withdraw. Thankfully I wasnt this bad. I was almost back to normal within a few hours.

I had my birthday party, got a hangover and it was all worth it. Then last night as the hangover began to fade i began to feel the withdraw again. Not as bad as before, but bad enough. I was just having the weirdest, most indescribable feelings, like body hallucinations. sometimes it would feel like a wave would go through my body in slow motion, others i'd get this spark, like my brain was just zapped. weird stuff. Thankfully i woke up this morning to just sort of feeling like shit and after breakfast, coffee & some excedrine i felt better. Right now i have some occasional zaps, or waves but the spinning has stopped my appetite has returned to normal. I even drove today without wanting to vomit. As the day went on I felt better and better, Joselyn and I had a date and we had lunch, hit the hundred yen store, and had some fro-yo.

I am not trying to get people to feel bad for me, there's more to the story and if I wanted your pity I am sure I could pull at your heart strings, and I'm not trying to say anti-depressants are awful, I think they are great! Effexor was great until I started having the episodes out (which BTW is EXTREMELY rare, so rare it's not listed as a side effect in most data bases) I just want to share with you what has been going on, and even though my doctor explained to me all of the side effects/withdraw before starting and stopping this drug (well he said it would suck), I want people to know it's survivable. I today is 6 days since i stopped full dose, and i am okay. i dont want to kill myself, i dont feel like i am falling off hte floor, i dont feel fan-fucking-tastic, but i'm okay.

FML

i've had some shit going on lately, stuff i don't feel like getting into right now. maybe later, maybe never. please forgive me if i post and it's all depressing, or doesnt make sense.

right now I just want to say, effexor, is bad. bad, bad, bad.

i'll probably elaborate later, right now i cant see or think straight though.

meh

today was just a bad day, i woke up at 3 am and the room was spinning (and no mom i wasnt drunk/hungover) i didnt know why it was happening. i got up to pee and i fell in the hall, hit the wall, i felt like i was really drunk i was totally disoriented and dizzy as all hell. after a few min it subsided and i went back to bed,  then at 5 the dog had to pee and she woke me up, same thing again, i stumbled down the hall and out the front door like a drunk. after a few min i was fine. then i went back to bed, we (dog-doo and me) slept until 10 (super late for me as of lately) and i was dizzy still! i got up and felt like crap, i was sore all over and just exhausted. no exercise for me today. i took a shower and in the middle i dropped my face wash leaned down to get it and when i stood back up my head started spinning and i was seeing little stars everywhere. it was awful. Paul says i'm probably dehydrated, i ran two days in a row and didnt give my body a chance to rehydrate. i sort of suck and hydration. then this evening i noticed my depth perception is sort of messed up.  things were sort of pulsing in my vision. 

i'm going to keep pumping water but if i still feel like this tomorrow i'm thinking i should call the doctor. 

our new sunday tradition

i should start with a little back story.
i've been having some minor stomach/intestinal issues. lately i often get sick when i eat fatty or rich food. the doctors thought it was my gallbladder. so last sunday, i got really sick, pain, nausea, it was awful, so after 6 hours in the ER i still had no diagnoses, all they know is it's not my gallbladder. i was sent home with medicine for acid reflux. i'm still sick just learning to manage it i guess. so now this weekend paul has a new part for his car he's been trying to find time to install (can you see where this is going?) well he had this part that he didnt know was spring-loaded, and he accidentally released the spring and it clamped onto his finger, he basically had to rip it out. so 4 hour and two stitches later we are home. and all in one piece.

weekend wrap-up

well its been one heck of a couple of weeks, after i went to the doctor in the previous post i got sicker. i am convinced it was one of those sick kids that were touching everything while i waited in the pharmacy for hours. so i ended up nearly deathly ill 4th of july weekend, and i didnt want to be a wuss and go to the doctor for the third time in 3 weeks so i stuck it out, just waited figured i'd get better last thursday i started to feel a little better, then friday i was dying again, hacking, no voice, sniffles the whole thing all over again. so i gave in and called the doc. the diagnosis, i was going through round two of a pretty severe case of bronchitis, thankfully i was given the hard stuff and here we are sunday evening and i can finally breathe again, my chest still aches but nothing like the pressure i was going through last week.  i am really hoping just maybe i can get into the gym tomorrow, its been like three weeks since i've been. but i am still loosing weight. 10 pounds down since i got here. yes i know its been 6 months and 10 pounds in 6 months isnt much but its good for me. 

we took Aiko to for a drive this weekend, working on getting her used to the car, she is a baby in the car, but she seemed to enjoy our little drive saturday.

fun at the clinic!

so i go to the doc today because i needed my stitches out from my mole removal last week. i told the nurse there were 5 because the doc used clear suture and you couldnt see them very well. so she counts them as she cuts them out. 1...2...3...4....4 i can feel her pulling on something, then says okay i got all four out, lemmie go get the doctor. i said i thought there were 5? "nope just four" and she prances out of the room. so i look at where she removed them and feel something, i was able to see a little something, so i realize i am right there are 5 and that is what she was pulling on, trying to get it out, but she couldn't so what is she just going to leave it in me? so i sit and wait, wait & wait, for the doc so i can have her finish it, after about 15 min i am still waiting. so i decide to grab the clippers she left in the room and cut it out myself. i sort of wanted to anyway.
so i took out my own stitch!!! i am so excited

i'm going to be sick

i just know it, i am so stupid, i bought one of those shrimp rings at the grocery store, and didnt eat it right away, so i put it in the freezer, i pulled it out and ate part of it, and i know i froze it on the eat by date so i know i am cutting it super close, well it didnt taste too good, i think i will go barf now.

weird dreams, great work, really sick

where to begin, okay i have been sick for something like 13 days now, and it sucks, i keep loosing my voice, i am producing more snot than a 3 year old, i cough like an old smoker, and i sleep like a new born. i am actually feeling a little better this morning, (afternoon) just a little better, still very snotty, but the sneezing has subsided.
weird dreams seem to torment me when i am sick, two nights ago they tore down nearly half the neighborhood i grew up in, all around the high school, it was quite strange looking, then it snowed and covered everything with this peaceful white blanket. then last night i was helping some little girl make a chicken, strawberry cake, with celery and she cut her finger, it was weird. it was also in my grandmothers living room, that would never happen. no food in grandmas living room.
i am quite proud of myself, i have been getting allot of praise at work for doing such a good job with my store, i am quite impressed with myself. my boss was in yesterday and just went on and on about how good i am doing, i felt great afterwards, don't get me wrong i still cant wait to quit, but i am happy to leave on a good note.
i mentioned snow earlier, and it made me think, no matter how much i hate it here that is one thing i will never forget, how peaceful it is after it snows. i love the snow, when i don't have to shovel it, it is so beautiful.

No warm shower for me

i know this is just disgusting, but today marks day four without hot water, i have not had a real shower since saturday morning. Sunday i took a freezing shower, and yesterday i boiled some water to take a bath, but i still feel dirty. perhaps cleaning the house will make me feel clean.