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Getting my fit girl on (for reals this time)

How many times have I said that.. "for real this time"? and I never loose the weight, I never commit. Well I just said it again, and I think I mean it. I have been doing a challenge of sorts, a fitness challenge, through Beachbody, The folks that bring you Focus T25 and other workouts and such like P90X and shakeology.
Well things have been going really well. I have still been struggling a bit with the weight loss, but I am sticking to the workout plan this time, Week four and I am about 5 pounds down, not much but considering I am not modifying my diet much that's to be expected. But I have noticed a huge increase in my strength and stamina. I did a legit push-up yesterday. I don't think I have ever done that! And then I did several of the girly modified ones (on your knees) way more than I ever have.
I have been finding a lot of success in T25 and this challenge group, so much so that one of the group creators and my own personal coach Lee Ann asked me if I wanted to be a coach.
I know what you are thinking, "Alana, you're a little chubby still, how you gonna be a fitness coach?" well I asked myself the same thing, but I think that doing this will help drive me to succeed in my fitness goals, like extra accountability.. There are also some great perks, and being a Military Spouse I have no fees. So really, it's a no loose situation. I get to keep doing this workout that I love am seeing progress with, and I don't hate doing, and then I can share my success with the world and bring it into other peoples lives!
If you are interested in Beachbody, let me know. I promise to not push it too much on the blog, but I will keep you updated on my personal fitness success.

www.beachbodycoach.com/AlanaMarie
https://www.facebook.com/AlanasLoosinIt

An Update on Me and a Link-up

Things have been a little busy here the last few weeks and blogging has obviously taken a back seat.

Our PCS plans have been nothing short of nerve wracking. I'll elaborate more on this, eventually, but now is not a good time. It'll get it's own post, maybe next week.

You may remember my post last week about snow, we ended up with about 4 inches. It has since melted, and warmed up and it's fall again, but I am ready to go somewhere warm, for the rest of my life. I've experienced enough winter to last me for a while.



P and I have been working out quite a bit, You may remember we started Focus T25 about a month and a half ago. Well Paul went on vacation for a month, two weeks after we started, so we ended up taking a two week hiatus. We started up again two weeks ago, and we are sticking to it. It's hard to workout every day when you are as lazy as I am, but it's only 25 minutes. So progress? well Paul is loosing inches, but not so much pounds, and I am loosing pounds but not so much inches. haha, it makes no sense to me, but whatever I am only about 10 pounds from pre-baby weight, So it took me 10 months to loose 20 pounds >.< but I have lost about 10 of those pounds in the last two months. I have really struggled with the baby weight. I think part of that is because I wasn't really fit before I got pregnant. It's discouraging when you see or hear about moms who have the weight just melt off, and you are not loosing anything. I am part of a mom group of first time moms who were all due in December last year (about 80 in the group), and so many of them the weight just came right off, pre-pregnancy weight was achieved in weeks after pregnancy. Not just the ones who were slim before pregnancy either, even some of the ones who have struggled with weight loss were just dropping baby weight. Nursing is supposed to help loose the weight, not for me. I am still Nursing E on demand and I am still struggling, even with eating better and working out daily, it's still a daily battle.

Evey is a little handful. She is crawling, and trying to walk, and getting into everything. Our layout is weird so we have a mess of baby gates and furniture built into a big baby jail, so she has free space in our common living area to play and get into shit. She manages to  escape all the time and we "chase" her through the house, she loves it. She is learning things, we are working on "peek a boo" and she knows "I'm gonna get you" means she is about to get tickled and she screams out laughter. She loves the dogs and they love her.


On one of our road trips while P was on vacation we ran into some car trouble, my 2010 Jeep Patriot had the transmission go out. It's sort of a complicated story but after it cooled down it started working again and we weren't stranded in the middle on no where, but it's been shitty. It's still under warranty, but the transmission is on back-order. I have a special transmission on mine and from what the dealership says mine isn't the first that they have had fail, and I live in a small town. But they let me take it home and I am still driving it, I have been advised to avoid highway driving because it could fail again and not come back to life. So that's it, that's why I've been missing. I'm working on finding more time in my day to be here though, at least a few more times a week.  I know you miss me desperately.

Go link up with Kara, Erin, a Girl, and this weeks special guest Organized Chaos!

Time For Change

With Paul returning to the fleet (regular Marine Corps) in 3.5 months we need to make some changes in our bodies. We have both become lazy and out of shape, and though he isn't that bad, he needs to be able to keep up with younger Marines, especially with cutbacks, The Marine Corps is about to get even more competitive. And me, well I am needing to cut the baby weight, and then some, I know I have said it before but I don't want to be that fat wife, the one people make jokes about because she doesn't work, she's just fat. I just want to feel comfortable with myself, I am not looking to be a size 0 or even a 4, I just want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I have been (slowly) loosing weight with weight watchers, but I know if I had a regular workout routine I could loose weight and tone my body. One of the big steps we have taken is we have decided to try to not eat out for the rest of the month! That's a big one, because we eat out at least once a week, if not two or three times. So at roughly $40 each time we are looking to save at least $200 if we can do it. I decided to spend part of that money that we will be saving on getting ourselves fit. We don't really have time for a gym, it's hard with the baby for me to be away from her since I am still exclusively breast feeding her, and I loathe pumping. Another blog I read A New Beginning Posted about a new Beachbody program that was just released, It's a 25 min workout that promises great results. I'm a sucker for a good gimmick, but this really intrigued me, it's a 25 min workout, and one of the reasons I slack on workouts is because even an hour is too long sometimes. I can't just put Evey down and workout for an hour straight. But 25 min, I can do that, easy. So I got suckered in, and ordered it yesterday. I hope that because of the cost we will use it (total about $140 with shipping, but i'm doing payments). I'll certainly have to keep you updated on my progress, it should be here early next week, so stay tuned. Maybe you'll even get some before shots out of me, because maybe the accountability of showing the world what I look like half naked is what I need to stick to it? We'll maybe not, not yet at least. 

 

Today I am linking up with Kara at Ramblings of a Marine Wife and the other ladies for 

because they do, right? 

Well as far as my diet is concerned they do....

My neck of the woods

I've been so busy with Princess Stinky Pants, that I haven't really written much lately, beyond baby updates.

Well that's not true. I wrote a big long post the other night about co-sleeping, but it got eaten by the blogger monster while I was asleep, and has not been seen from since. I keep hoping that I'll wake up and It'll appear for me to post, but I doubt it.

The weather here continues to mess with my emotions, it was really nice for a few days and then it got rainy for about a week, not that big of a deal, I don't mind the rain, but it was also chilly. Then it got nice again, really nice, now it's cold again. Second day of summer and our high will be in the high 50's low 60's

We have been planning our fall road trip/ PCS (permanent change of station, when we move to Paul's new location) We are going to try to visit everyone, this will include stops in Az, Nm, Tx, and all the way to Va. Then head back to California after. 

I also hope to visit some mommy friends on this trip. See, when I was pregnant with Evelyn I was lucky enough to find a group of ladies all also due in December, all also first time mommies. A facebook group has formed and we have been together since, It's been over a year now. We went through pregnancy, sickness, premie births, and late babies together, then colic, fevers, sleepless nights and wonder weeks. We are all having these milestones together, I think it's wonderful, I can ask this group of about 80 moms, "hey is anyone else dealing with this right now?" and I have so many moms that can relate. I was also lucky enough to discover two bloggers that had babies right when I did, Mrs. K & Captain J, we were due date buddies (we were, weren't we? oh my, baby brain has ruined my memory), but her little A came early. Then Home is wherever we are if there's love there too, she had her little Boy J, about 26 hours after I had Evelyn. But since she's in Japan, we actually were both having babies at very close to the same time! 

getting ready for a walk

I have been working on my physical self too. I recent started Weight Watchers again. Last time  I think I lost overall about 12 pounds. I still have lots of baby weight to loose, but I think I am down about 4 pounds since I started, which is 4 more pounds than I have lost since I came home from the hospital. I weigh in Monday, so we'll see where we are. My initial goal is the 20ish I have to loose from pregnancy. Then I would like to loose another 20ish. I have been walking/hiking the hill outside when the weather is nice, and mostly eating better on days that I am cooped up inside. I've been doing insanity off and on, and I've even done Jillian 30 Day Shred a few times.

workout woes  

We also have been hiking on the weekends, last weekend we followed an old rail road trail, that led to a spooky tunnel.  I thought my heart would explode walking through the tunnel, and if I didn't have Paul with me I wouldn't have gone in it, It was scary and I am pretty sure there were zombie monsters hidden in there just waiting to eat our faces. After we turned around and headed back I made us find a trail over the hill the tunnel went through because I really didn't want to walk through it again.  and that's about it. Somehow things are crazy busy with a baby, but I don't seem to have much to write about. That's not true, I have a few posts started that I need to take pictures for, I'm just lazy/too busy with Baby E, to take them and finish the posts. Maybe I can find time to do that soon.  Oh and don't forget, In a few days Google Reader will close FOREVER!
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Adorable photos are my Motivation

I love these pictures.

I love how the sunlight lights up Evey's hair. I love how I am genuinely smiling.

I don't love how my body looks.

This is the first time I have really seen what I look like daily.

I am heaver than I have ever been, and at 4 months since Evey was born, I've lost only a very small percent of what I gained.

I am not happy with that. 

These pictures are my motivation, I want to be happy and healthy for my baby. 

So I need to keep pushing myself, for us.

I also need a hair cut.

I want to take photos with her and not be too embarrassed to put them on my facebook.

Maybe on the beach, when we get to Cali. 

Motivation.

These are my before pictures, stay tuned. 

Mixed Emotions

I sort of lied when I said I don't have much going on right now. I actually have my mind running like crazy, but I don't know where to begin.

I've gone back to brown, I don't know if I mentioned that.... 

I am really homesick.
I really feel stupid missing Okinawa as much as I do. I think because life was just so simple there, and that it was rarely cold. I am having a hard time adjusting to the exact opposite.

April 7th, 2010

That picture was two years ago, and I'm sweating my balls off. Today, here in Montana, I am cold, and it's about 39 outside  with a possibility of sleet and snow for the next two days. 

Also Tuesday I met a girl downdown, who had seen my "I (heart) Okinawa" bumper sticker and stopped, the girl had lived in Okinawa last summer through a program in her highschool. It made my day. She was heading to the library for free japanese lessons. I am going to try to go next week. 

Also I am trying to get my shit together and get back into school. I submitted all the paperwork for financial aid in January, hoping to get into spring classes and I never heard back. Of course it's my own fault for not following up. So now I am hoping for summer. I finally got our taxes done and I am really hoping to get into at least one class this summer term. I am so close yet so far from finishing my degree, I think I can get through the rest of my core classes at least by Fall session 2 so I can focus on my major. 

I've been trying to get my fitness on with Zumba and I've been walking. Trying to eat responsibly, and take better care of myself, Paul and I both need to re-evaluate our diets. 

Prairie dogs from my walk yesterday.  

Work is going well, for both of us, although it doesn't leave much time for activities. Most of our ventures out of the house consist of going out to dinner. Which is part of the aforementioned problem.

I think this weekend I need to plan something for us to do that gets us out of the house, but takes in to account the possible shitty weather. I need a touristy guide book for Helena. 

The dogs are good too, not to jinx it, but we haven't been to the vet for an urgent care, or emergency visit in MONTHS!  I am so proud of my little boogers for being so good. 

I just can't decide how I feel, I certainly have the winter blues, and I am horribly homesick, but I am overall pleased with the way our lives have been lately. I just can't wait until Recruiting Duty is over and we can have our lives back. I'm ready to move on from here.

Want to win yourself a Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred?

It's not my giveaway, It belongs to that lovely lady I mentioned a few days ago: Cyn over at Misadventures of a Chunky Goddess

She is giving away a copy of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred AND Ripped in 30 (which I have never even heard of but totally going to order at work tomorrow!)

I already have 30 Day Shred, and I know of it's amazingness. But I think you need it.

Go Do It!

Now!

For Serious!

and here are some words of wisdom from dear Jillian to get your lazy ass motivated!

Source: google.com via Alana on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Alana on Pinterest

Source: katoalaskikatoa.blogspot.com via Alana on Pinterest

and if that all wasn't enough to prove she knows her shit... how about this: 

Source: healthy-is-the-way-to-go.tumblr.com via Alana on Pinterest

You know I talk all this shit and I didn't even do my shred today. But in my own defense I was busy and worked today, and I have to be up and at work at 6 am tomorrow. 

Still, no excuse though. I should have done it. 

I even had time to but choose to look at shit my kid/dog/husband ruined instead. 

well that is all from me. I have another post in the works and I'll be back with it sometime tomorrow (ish)I need to get my ass to bed though. 

More On Weight Watchers.

I am really proud of myself for sticking to this as well as I have. I am seeing the results on the scale too, today I weighed 159!

I wanted to share a sample of what I eat every day. I try to sort of stick to the same-ish things but mix them up in small ways.

Yesterday:

Breakfast was an everything bagel thin (3pts) with about 2 3/4 tbsp of whipped cream cheese. (i usually like to pack in pickled jalapenos for 0 pts, but i was out)

(photo snagged from jersey wife)

lunch was a half of a whole wheat pita pocket (2 pt), filled with 2 slices of turkey (1 pt), a hand full of spinach (0 pt), and a fried egg (2 pt), and about 2 tbsp of dijon mustard (0 pt)

for dinner I broiled salmon, I had 6 oz (7 pt), a bunch of broiled asparagus with a little olive oil (0 for the asparagus, 1 pt for the oil)

[photo snagged from Obsessive Chef]

and a bloody mary (4 pt for 1 jigger vodka, 1 pt for 1 cup of spicy V8),

[photo from Cocktail wiki]

for dessert since I had extra points I had a WW chocolate cookie ice cream bar (4 pt)

i don't know why the box says 2 pts, mine says 4, and so does my weight watchers counter thing. whatever.

[photo from amazon]

So that is a typical day for me. I am given 29 points a day and yesterday I came out to 28.

I love the pita's because they never get old and I can add things to them like jalapeno, pepperoncinis, cucumber, green pepper, or any other veggie to mix it up without adding in points. I also sometimes mix up breakfast, I'll have Special K with Red Berries, and I'll add fresh strawberries and bananas. I often eat fresh cut up cucumber, banana, or tomato throughout the day, but I was busy most of yesterday and didn't have time. I also find that the further into this I get the less I find myself hungry. The first week was real hard to keep it under 29 points, now it's pretty easy most of the time. And I try to keep myself from getting hungry by eating often and meals full of veggies. I still have the problem of not knowing when I am full. My body doesn't really tell me, "okay I'm getting full", I go from still hungry to so full I am going to puke very quickly. So i try to eat slowly and not eat too much in one sitting, and limit my portions per veggie even though they are zero points, because overeating on anything isn't good, even if it's healthy.

Weight.

I have been working all week during the day so posts have been few and far between, I apologize for that. Posts from the hike will be coming soon, maybe later if I can pull it together and get my chores done. But first I wanted to talk about weight, and weight loss.

[2 weeks ago]

I weigh 163, I am 5'5''. technically I am overweight. I don't think really look as bad as I am because I am large chested (38 DD-DDD) I carry about 100 pounds in my boobies. But I am still chubby, and as I have gotten older I carry the weight differently. I've always had a pooch, but I also had thick thighs. Now I carry most of my weight in my spare tire and in back fat. I hate back fat. I loathe back fat. I am more embarrassed about my back fat than I am my belly that makes me look 5 months pregnant.

I try to work out but I seriously lack motivation, I do things for like a week then I quit. I am a quitter. That is why my weight has mostly been fat my whole adult life, the lowest I have been since being married (5 years) is 149 and that was in the months after P deployed and I think I just wasn't eating, and I was in school, like double full time. Outside that, the highest I have been was 175 and that was in Mass.

[me at about 149, September 2009, wearing same shirt as the first picture]

Well now my sister is getting married. I don't want to be the fat bridesmaid. I am sure I'll be the bigger of the two but I have 6 months to not be the fat bridesmaid. I also want to be healthy. Paul and I have been talking more and more about starting a family and I don't want to be a fat preggo, or a fat mom. I want to be fit and healthy.

I am also hella insecure about my body, it affects me daily, constantly, it affects my social life, my sex life, what I eat, where I go. I am sick of my fat ruling my life, and I know the only way to deal with that is to loose it.

So I joined Weight Watchers Online last week. Today is technically one week, but my weigh in date is sunday. I can tell you as of right now I have lost 4 pounds, but I think that is mostly {or all} PMS weight. Also wednesday I ate half the contents of my fridge, at least it felt like it. I have decided I need to earn things I don't need, you get extra points for exercise, so if i want a desert bar (4 points) I need to do about an hour of exercise, Or a beer (5 points), big glass of wine (7 points), the way I think it works out is 10 min of moderate exercise earns about 3/4 of a point.

Paul and I have also start hiking, we plan to do it every day off we have together that the wether permits. I need to keep up with the bike riding, so far i've been doing roughly 10 miles a trip 2 trips a week. I am determined to loose at least 15 total pounds, if not more, by the wedding. I am using it as my destination, the date that I want to succeed by.

I hope others can relate to the trials and tribulations of weight loss. trying to loose has been such a huge part of my life, and failing to loose always seems to be the result. But I am paying for WW advice so I hope that I can stick to it this time around.

I Love Food.

I have a great love for all things food. Sadly my waist (and thighs, arms, chest, calves and belly) show that fact quite well.

I really love food blogs.

closet cooking

for the love of cooking

bitter sweet

smitten kitchen

everybody like sandwiches

mommy's kitchen

The Cooking Photographer

just to name a few.

But I am making an effort to be healthier. I am looking for healthy, diet, weight watchers, food blogs. I joined weight watchers online today, hoping that this works, I want to loose some weight by my sisters wedding and I am hoping a few months of weight watchers will help me with that.

So share me your healthy food blog links!

More adventures in the battle of the bulge

In my latest venture for fitness, I have made some realizations:

• I have an unhealthy relationship with food
• I eat when I am bored, and lately I've been bored A LOT
• I like to exercise but It's too cold to go outside and I get bored with my videos.
• I live a long 15ish mile drive to the gym
• I have a deep love for fast food burgers, but I have this under control and only indulge every few weeks, but this is a constant battle.
• Even if I were given a free membership I probably wouldn't go enough to loose weight.
• I like to cook and I am good at cooking healthy, it's portions that is my problem

So Paul and I have done a lot of talking, and I've been throwing around ideas, Weight Watchers, treadmills, ellipticals, gym memberships. Yesterday we decided on a treadmill and wen't to sears and I found one that was almost 45% off. So in 10 days I will be in my living room, in front of my own TV watching what I want and listening to my own music, running on my own treadmill.

Oh! and I got a kettle bell!

I've already played with it a few times and it's interesting, at first it doesn't feel like I'm working out at all, then all of the sudden after 15 or so reps I feel it. I like when I feel like I am accomplishing something.

Like I need more on my plate right now

http://alanaslosingit.blogspot.com/

I'm blogging my weight loss journey for all who care to watch!

the old fashioned way

I'm back on the exercise train.

It's all about calories in and calories out.

Healthy diet and exercise.

I'm going to keep it up, and keep doing it the right way.

September 2007 (about 180)

August 2009 (about 155)

Slow and steady, I've lost 25 pounds, most of it in the last year. I still have a ways to go, but I am so happy with what I have achieved, looking back at pictures.

just a little joy

i wanted to share my joy with you first thing in the morning

i've lost 18 pounds since i got to okinawa a year ago, about 12 of those pounds have been in the last 6 months, and about 3 of those are in the two weeks we've been in the new house! i'm so happy i could die! (well lets wait a few more pounds before i die, tha'd be more eco friendly i think, less of me to decompose...)

i put on a pair of pants today that i could wear a few years ago, but then i got all fat and couldnt wear them at all. so i put them on, and low and behold they fit again, with almost no muffin top (not noticeable unless you were scrutinizing my outfit)

i dont know what it is, maybe going up and down two flights of stairs a million times a day has something to do with it. 

Just an update

my weight went back up today a smidge but i had chili's for lunch yesterday and some beers after dinner, i was at 158.6 and today 159.8 but i'm not too worried, Monday is my 'official' weigh in day and Paul and i just did a 5 mile jog to the beach and back in 80 min so i'm thinkin i killed quite a few calories, i should be okay tomorrow.

we move in one week, we had the mover guy come yesterday and give us an appraisal on moving cost, it's more than i had planned. this is getting expensive, first we decide to move, thats about 5,000 dollars out of pocket just for deposits and renter fee's. then we get a bill for our insurance which was due this week, that was $800 dollars, then we realized we'd have to pay someone to move our shit, thats $750, then Paul's water pump went out on his car, that another $800 dollars, and now we notice my car needs at least 2 new tires, desperately.  at least another $200 dollars. i think it's about time i get a job, or there will be no school for me next term. i'm gonna wait until after we move and then after i get my term paper done for my current classes then i'll find a job. the CDC (child development center) on both the bases close to us are hiring so i'd imagine i'm a shoe-in (i know i'm so conceited when it comes to my job experience and stuff) but i've never been fired and i've gotten EVERY job i've ever applied for(i'm also really picky about applying). people just like me. 

i'm nervous about moving, the dog is going to a friends house but i dont know what to do with the cat, i might see if said friend can lock him in her spare room for the day, because i have school that morning so i can supervise the animals.  i'm also terrified that once we get into the new house that the cat will get out and excape into the jungle (which is right next to our house) and become a jungle cat, or a tiger(<-- thats me making light of my fear, trying to deal with it).  but i'm seriously afraid  he'll run away, or the dog will get out. and we'll never see them again. 

Battle of the Bulge (my life story, seriously)

(i think i've been through this before but i feel like talking about it today)

I've battled my weight since i was in high school. I was a very skinny, petite, short and a little dorky when i was younger, i was luckily blessed with a high metabolism and i was very active, i swam all summer, rode my bike everywhere. then high school things slowed down for me, i hit puberty, started to drive, started to drive to the drive through.  i remember going to McD's and getting a double cheese burger, and then whatever i was really gonna eat, then stuffing the cheeseburger down my throat before i got home so no one knew i was eating it plus the food i actually brought home. So needless to say my unhealthy relationship with food started as soon as i was able to enable myself. i don't eat to comfort myself, i don't eat because i'm depressed or anxious, i don't eat because i'm bored, i eat because i like to eat, eating is fun, and it tastes good. i love food, there are so many different kinds of yummy food, from ice cream to Sushi, given the chance i'd eat either until i puked. 

i remember my Senior Prom, i was the fat girl, well i wasn't the fat girl, but i was one of them. i quickly became depressed. I blame my weight for my bad decisions in my youth, i wanted to be accepted, i wanted people to like me, i wanted to be cool, but i didn't think i could do that as the fat girl, i tried to not be fat, i would go to the gym, i was running, but i loved food way too much, i ate mexican food nearly every day. 5 years ago I met my husband i was even happier, someone loved me, for who i was. Then it got worse, i think at this point i stopped caring how big I was because someone loved me. 

I've been back and forth for over ten years with my love of food and hate of exercise, two years ago i finally got to the point where i didn't hate exercise, in-fact i really like weights, but i still hated cardio, which is a key in serious weight loss. Over the last year i have tried and failed at maintaining a workout routine, i like the gym here, i really do, it's nice, it's clean, it's quiet (most of the time) but i just HATE the treadmill. well why dont you run outside you say? because it's hot, and what if i got too far and couldnt make it back, and what if i got kidnapped, or i fell down and broke my ankle, or got lost, or......  all excuses. 

This week i started running outside, off base, i decided to run to the gym. even though this 'run' was mostly a fast walk/jog i still made it to the gym, which i found to be packed because it was lunch time and every Marine and their, well, brother was there. not an empty machine in the house, not that i would subject myself to working out with Marines anyway, i have a bad enough self image. so i decided to just go home. my lap took me an hour and a half. When i got home i calculated the distance it was almost 5 miles. i know thats terrible time a 18 min mile but you know what i felt good, i felt great! i wanted to go out and do it again. so two days later i did. i know two days isn't sticking to a routine, but i LOVE jogging outdoors, the air, the birds, the scenery. i love every second of it. i finally am enjoying cardio, plus the terrain in Okinawa is very hilly so i'm burning quite a few calories even if i am not running as fast as i can. i've been using gmaps and i've plotted several routes around where we live now and our new house, i'm so excited! i cant wait to run again, i think i'll do it tomorrow This week i ran T & Th but my goal starting Monday for first few weeks, is every other day M-W-F and a shorter run on Sun starting in March (or earlier if i'm ready) will be every day alternating distances (long run, short run). last night i plotted a new 5 mile, that may be rougher because i'm pretty sure it's even more hills than i did this week, but i'm excited. 

i should also note that i've made a pact with my love of food and my body, if my body lets me exercise as much as my heart and brain want to i wont make it stop eating yummy food, now i wont let it over indulge, or secretly eat double cheeseburgers, but if i want ice cream i will have ice cream.  as long as i can keep up with the running i can eat what i want, in nice size not huge calorie portions. 

motivation to loose weight

i have had a really hard time finding motivation. for the last three years i have struggled with the desire to loose weight but i will go to the gym a few times, slightly mod my diet and it lasts a few weeks, i loose maybe five pounds, something happens and i give up. the last time i quit it was hte move, we were in hotels and on the road for 30 days i weighed myself just before TMO came early January, i was at 162 i had lost 10 whole pounds! last week i finally mustered the courage to step on that scale and it was 174, i gained back what i lost and then some. i was sad i admit defeat, i am destined to spend my whole life fat. but really i still love myself and i can be okay being fat right? well i was wrong, see DH is company gunny here and part of his duties is to PT the overweight Marines ( i forget what they are callled) and i was asking him about the program, who gets in, how long are they in, what do they do? and he tells me not trying to hurt my feelings at all, that i would be in his program if i were a Marine. still not realizing i am in shock at what he said he follows with, you would have to loose somewhere around 20-30 pounds before you got out of the program. i nearly lost it. i knew i was fat. but seriously, that hurt, i know my husband loves me, and he meant no harm in his comment, but it's now my motivation, i am inventing the Fat Marine Wife program, and i am started my strict PT regiment today, i did 25 min on the elliptical and 15 on the stair climber (that thing kicked my ass) and 15 min weight training. i am pooped, but i am very proud of myself, my goal is this week to go 3 more times before sunday and go 4 times a week for two more weeks (at least) for at least an hour. then i will bump it up to 5 times a week for an hour. i am not working, all i do is baby sit once a week. i can do this. i can not be a Fat Marine Wife!

loosing weight

in September i was a size 13 today i put on a size 10 this makes me ecstatic! at this rate i will be in bikini shape by summer!

diet

i have been limiting myself to around 1200 calories for about a week now, a couple times i found myself at 900 and it was almost bed time, so i had to eat something, then theres days like yesterday after i entered in my dinner (which was super good for me) and then the snack i forgot i had, i was at 1400. DH thought it would cheer me up to take me to the mall, i wanted to try on the ball gown that i think is amazing, it looks beautiful on the mannequin (doesn't everything) and i looked like a cow, i tried on teh XL because i have huge knockers and i knew a L wouldn't hold them in, well i was seriously depressed after that, see this is why i have no new clothing, it depresses me to go shopping, i want to cry because i look huge in clothes, i am also convinced that dressing room mirrors have some secret conspiracy that makes you look fat. it took everything in me to not come home last night and binge on ice cream.