Things have been crazy here, Paul's getting ready to deploy, he's been training like crazy, we've been trying to squeeze every second we can from the time we have. It hasn't been easy. I've been sick, not coughing sick, it's hard to explain, a wile ago, about a month or so, I had an "episode" where I pretty much blacked out while driving. Weird part was I didn't loose control of the car, I continued to drive, I just couldnt remember it, when my brain turned back on, it was only a few seconds, but it was very scary. about a week later it happened again, this time at home. My doctors went back and forth and decided it was Effexor, which I have been taking for Atypical Depression for about 5 months. They cut my dose in half to start to wean me off, then pulled the plug on it last week.
I knew it would suck, Effexor gets in your body and you form a dependence to it. Even though a few weeks prior I had gone to half my normal dose, when I stopped completely it was hell. the first 24 hours wern't too bad, then the nausea kicked in, spinning, shakes, hot flashes, itching, mood swings. the last week has been very hard on me emotionally, I came off the drug, I found out Paul was leaving ALOT sooner than I anticipated, and I was coming off this drug, which made things seem ten times worse. I cried for really no reason several times. I got furiously angry with Paul again, for really no reason. (at the time it seemed to me like him asking me where the pampered chef stuff came from was a reason to flip out, now in retrospect, I see.... I was crazy) and the spinning, I felt like I was going to fall off the floor when i was just sitting there. I caved on my birthday and couldnt take it anymore, I broke open a pill (they are capsules) and took about half of what was inside. This is a common way people come off this drug, it can be so bad for people on day they take thirty inside pieces, the next day they take 29, and they will still have withdraw. Thankfully I wasnt this bad. I was almost back to normal within a few hours.
I had my birthday party, got a hangover and it was all worth it. Then last night as the hangover began to fade i began to feel the withdraw again. Not as bad as before, but bad enough. I was just having the weirdest, most indescribable feelings, like body hallucinations. sometimes it would feel like a wave would go through my body in slow motion, others i'd get this spark, like my brain was just zapped. weird stuff. Thankfully i woke up this morning to just sort of feeling like shit and after breakfast, coffee & some excedrine i felt better. Right now i have some occasional zaps, or waves but the spinning has stopped my appetite has returned to normal. I even drove today without wanting to vomit. As the day went on I felt better and better, Joselyn and I had a date and we had lunch, hit the hundred yen store, and had some fro-yo.
I am not trying to get people to feel bad for me, there's more to the story and if I wanted your pity I am sure I could pull at your heart strings, and I'm not trying to say anti-depressants are awful, I think they are great! Effexor was great until I started having the episodes out (which BTW is EXTREMELY rare, so rare it's not listed as a side effect in most data bases) I just want to share with you what has been going on, and even though my doctor explained to me all of the side effects/withdraw before starting and stopping this drug (well he said it would suck), I want people to know it's survivable. I today is 6 days since i stopped full dose, and i am okay. i dont want to kill myself, i dont feel like i am falling off hte floor, i dont feel fan-fucking-tastic, but i'm okay.
