Toddler Tantrum

Things have been rough around here the last weeks or so. Can terrible twos start before two? That's the only explanation I've got.
We have had some pretty terrible tantrums here. It breaks my heart to watch my little girl get so upset because her cartoon is over, or the carrots got yogurt on them, or the dog (who is 12 pounds) stepped on her foot. We are also trying to work on enforcing rules, like you can't just dump out the cheerios if you don't want to eat them. Trying to enforce rules, also normally results in a tantrum. I don't want to raise a spoiled brat, but sometimes it's just easier to give in to her, because she doesn't understand. Yesterday I cried with her, as she cried, I don't even remember why, she cried a lot yesterday. 

The hardest thing about her tantrums is how she acts, She often starts thrashing about, and will intentionally hit her head on the floor,or on you if you are holding her. According to Dr. Google, this is normal because she is experiencing all these new emotions and becoming aware of them, but doesn't have the verbal skills to express herself, so she throws herself around or smacks her head into things. These are really the worst, I try to hold her so she doesn't hurt herself, but usually the tantrum then gets worse for a few seconds (minutes? feels like an eternity) before she starts to calm down. 

Parenting seemed relatively easy until now, the baby cries? Hold her, feed her, change her, one of the above was the answer, now there is no answer. I don't even think she understands why she is so upset, which makes it so much more frustrating for her, and in turn, me. I am doing the best I can, and I am doing what feels right to me, but sometimes it feels like I am not doing anything right. Like yesterday, I think my neighbors (who were outside) we're probably about to come check on us, because Evey SCREAMED for about half an hour as I tried to get her to pick up the cheerios she dumped on the kitchen floor, (or at least sit with me while I pick them up) and then we sat in Time-Out, while I counted to 10, the first time and 30 the second time, her screaming and thrashing around the entire time. But I didn't back down, and in the end we got the cheerios picked up and we made it through 30 seconds of time out. and she quieted down and we played with blocks. 

How do you handle tantrums and terrible twos? How do you help your toddler find their way back to that happy place? 

How I really feel about PCSing

I am totally excited to get out of Montana at the end of this year. Paul got web orders and we will be out of Montana by Thanksgiving. We will miss the Marine Corps Ball again this year, but our last PCS was the same time (the same day actually) and we don't mind. 

Shuri Castle

But I am still a little sad, not sad to leave Butte, but sad that we aren't leaving Butte to head to Okinawa. I really had my heart set on it. I was sure it would happen. It's what I wanted more than anything. We still hope to go back someday, maybe someday soon, but we'll likely go to California for at least a year before we are able to even think about heading back to Okinawa. 

Best Taco Rice EVER! and the very first place I ate upon arriving in Okinawa

I am excited about California though. I am looking forward to having sushi again, and going to Ikea, having mexican food, and the beach, oh I am looking forward to the beach. It will be nice to still be in the states as Evelyn starts to grow, so she can see family, without spending a small fortune on airfare. Plus it'll also be nice to be at a real military installation so if when we do get to go back to Okinawa, getting everything for us and the pets in order will be much easier. And I haven't been to Disneyland in about 10 or 11 years. I am also really looking forward to big city life for a while. 

But it's still not Okinawa. 

Pizza in the Sky (I think)

I sort of don't know what to do with myself now that we are going to California. Moving there isn't as big of a deal. We are pretty sure we'll move into base housing. We've already decided which housing, and submitted our application. There is no prep needed for the pets. We have gotten rid of a lot of stuff since moving, and have another huge pile set aside for a yard sale in the near future.
I do spend a lot of time wondering what California life will be like though.

My house, it was the second from the left

It's funny how I miss the things I used to hate, specifically the rain. I have been following the weather and rainy season is full force in Oki. It'll rain for the next month or so, a lot.
We just got about 1/2 and inch of rain this weekend and I loved it. It made me miss Okinawa even more.

Zakimi Castle

I don't think I'll stop wondering how long before we get a chance to run away to Okinawa. And planning in my head where I want to live, and what my first meal will be.  I'll still imagine meeting up with friends who have returned, or who are still there. I'll dream about taking my new little family back to all my favorite places, and adventuring over the little island.

looking into town from Shuri Castle

Me hanging out with some kids at the Naha Tug-o-War 

I wonder if someday I'll reminisce this way about Montana...

I have no idea where, Okinawa

Sorry this totally turned into a "I miss Okinawa so much sometimes I want to cry" post. 

I counted my chickens

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch"....

To say I am disappointed would be an understatement. I am very sad, heartbroken, but I'll survive. Our hopes of going back to Okinawa this fall have been broken. There is no openings for my husband over there, in our PCS time frame. The Marine Corps has other plans for us and it looks like we are going to Camp Pendleton instead.

At first I was quite distraught, if you have been a reader for any part of the last 3 years you know my heart is in Oki, I loved it there, I loved it so much, and I wanted to go back more than just about anything. We really thought we would be going back. We were even preparing the dogs (vet requirements) and working on our things (discussing storage, vehicles, passports). We thought it was a sure thing.

I think what hurts the most is that we were told, by numerous people, that when you come off recruiting duty that you almost always get your top choice duty station, and if not you'd most certainly get one from your list. Well I guess we are the exception, Camp Pendleton wasn't even on our radar.

But in the last 24 hours since we learned our fate, Ive come to terms, and i'm even getting a bit excited.

It'll be our next adventure....

Warm weather, beaches, shopping, sun, sand, farmers markets, year round outdoorsy weather, all the things Montucky is missing. We wont have to worry about what to do with the cars, or getting the dogs medical checked out. 

I think we will live on base, at least for a while, Paul will keep his eyes open for spots in Okinawa, and we will request it again in the future. But for now I am getting excited (FOR IKEA!!!!) I love a good adventure and I hope Cali will be full of adventure for us. And it wont ever be below zero!

So do I have any Camp Pendleton readers? Tell me it's just as great as I am building it up to be. 

now that i've written all this out, I bet it'll change. 

Don't Forget July 1 Google Reader is closing  If you're trying to figure out how to move your blogs from GR to Bloglovin' check out Jane's Tutorial  HERE

my blog is my diary

Maybe I'm just being a whiner, but I think the military is trying to ruin the last few months of my pregnancy. I am due Dec 7th. Paul is being transfereed to Butte (about an hour south of us) sometime in the next month. 
But they can't give us a date, they have told him that there is no way he will have funding or approval to move in the first half of November. So that puts us moving, at the earliest three weeks before my due date. Which I had already accepted. I don't want to move until after the Marine Corps Ball anyway. But the thing is we may not get funds and orders until Dec 1. 
I am fairly certain that even if we get approval on one day, it'll still take a week or at the very least a few days to get movers in order. 
I don't know what to do. I am such a mess right now. I doubt the house we found will hold it for us until who knows when. I don't know if it would be a better idea to just stay here until after Baby E is born. 
I am so sad at the thought that we are going to loose the house. I am stressed at the thought that we could be stuck here, when I just accepted the fact that we are moving, until we find another house.
This is really stressing me out, I am really getting down about this. I am not the least bit excited about whats happening, not excited about baby, just stressed. I am back to not doing anything to prep for baby, just stressed about where we will be living. 
I know it'll all work out. Paul keeps telling me he'll handle it, but this isn't something small like a car, or a bill. This is such a cluster fuck that I feel like I am loosing it. 
I can't not be stressed when I am about to bring a small person into this world and I have no idea where I am going to put it. 
It's so frustrating because to a certain extent we planned this pregnancy, knowing we'd be stable, we were going to be stateside until at least 2013, we had no idea that a transfer was on the horizon. Things were going to be perfect, things were going to run smoothly. Now things are just a mess. 


- Alana

Pregnancy- Not as glamourous as I imagined.

Before getting pregnant I had these grand ideas about how great it would be, and how fun, and how cute I would look. I knew it would have tough days too, I knew I wouldn't enjoy every moment. But I thought I would enjoy it more than I have.

Everyone says I look cute, I just feel fat. I am suffering from extremely low self esteem right now. I feel like a cow, even though I haven't gained a lot, and I am right on trace,  I have lost almost all my muscle mass, mostly because I am too exhausted/physically incapable of working out. In the beginning it was my sciatic, and I quit walking and zumba, now I've added carpal tunnel, so my hands constantly hurt and lifting any weights, pushups, even carrying heavy things hurts. Also the fact that I have just let myself go so bad that I get winded carrying laundry up the stairs. I am seriously going to have my work cut out for me once I have baby E and I can physically get back into working out.
My plan is to start with cardio, I've got a treadmill, so I can get on it while E is sleeping. I want to get a nice jogging stroller so as soon as the weather is nice I can hit the pavement. I am also hoping I can start up Zumba again, plus I have a plethora of workout DVD's. The important thing is I have a plan, and I know things wont be easy, but it'll be worth it.

Another not so glam thing I have been struggling with is my skin, (I am going to save my skin thing for a whole separate post though.)

I don't know what I was thinking but I imagined I would do more, be more active. I have days when I barely move, I get up take the dogs potty, sit down, make lunch, sit back down, take the dogs potty again, sit back down, refill my drink, sit back down. It's no wonder that I have no muscle mass left and I am all flabby. The most action my arms get is shoveling food/drink into my mouth.

I am moody, and often a little depressed, depressed because I wanted to enjoy pregnancy, not be miserable. Then I feel worse, because there are so many people who have it worse than me, and they suck it up and deal. I just sit here and complain. I am also depressed about my body, I've never been a skinny girl, I've always struggled with my weight, but I am having a really hard time accepting the way I look. And moody, I can be downright mean sometimes. The things that go through my head, the things that don't make it past my lips, yeah those things are really bad. Paul and I were talking last week and after I went on a tirade about siting in your stalled car and not attempting to move it, or making an effort to let other drivers know you are stopped at a light and not moving because your shit is broke (just thinking about it still pisses me off...) but anyway the conversation went like this: Me "being pregnant makes me irritable" Paul "No, being pregnant makes you MORE irritable". So I am a cranky person to begin with, but right now I am just downright nasty. I've also been a little down because I haven't had that "OMG I'M HAVING A BABY!" moment yet. I'm want to bond with her, I want to love her, it's so hard to explain, but it's still hard to believe I'm even having a baby, even though I can feel her moving all the time.

Minor medical issues are also frightening, for someone who is already dealing with anxiety the "what ifs" suck. There whole Down Syndrome thing was hella stressful. And then this week we have had the Gestational Diabetes, which I know is very common, and totally manageable, but still it's scary as hell. But I did have the big 3hr GD test today and I won, I do not have Gestational Diabetes, Yay!

I've complained about the swelling before, and it's another fact of life for pregnancy, but for me it started early, I started swelling around 19 weeks. I haven't worn my wedding rings in two months. My shoes stopped fitting about a month and a half ago, and now I live in flipflops and slipper shoes. Putting on my work tennies usually causes more discomfort than just wearing shitty cheep slip ons.

I've also had a few "gross female issues" that have come up a few times, which again, I guess is normal, but not fun.
And my poor husband. I have zero libido. He really must love me.


Sorry to have sat here an complained for the last half a page, but so many of the pregnancy stories I read are all sunshine and rainbows. Mine is only a little sunshine and a few scattered rainbows.  And I think things have just piled up this last few weeks, we have had a stressful time as a family unit because of some decisions that we are being forced to make that while in the long run will hopefully be good, in the short term they are throwing a huge wrench into things. (more on that soon, we should have some answers any day now) So I am using this as my outlet to just let it out so I don't stab someone.

I want to add that there are many great things too. Feeling her move, shopping for her :) knowing that I'll have my little girl soon. But I think a majority of the wonderfulness will happen on her birthday, and beyond. I cannot wait for December.


- Alana

It Is What You Make It

(Beating a dead horse, if you are a long time follower, I've been over this time and time again)

"It is what you make it"

I had uttered those words so many times while living in Okinawa, I just couldn't understand why people would piss and moan about living there. Beautiful views, wonderful people, amazing weather (part of the time, unless you like unpredicted rain, which I grew to like) Sure it can be confusing, living in a foreign country where most locals speak very little if any english, where many road signs are only in Japanese, the whole road system is very confusing at first. Yeah you will miss things, American food, forks, pizza. But there is so much that is amazing to me it outweighed all the bad.

Now a year and a half later, back in the states, I am eating my own words. I think that I have a new kind of depression, Regional Depression. I am not even sure if that's a kind of depression, maybe it is. But every day I find myself thinking "if I could just go back."
I now understand how all those wives felt that hated Okinawa, that just wanted out. They counted the days until they could move back to the states. Yeah there are good days, but I can say with 100% of my heart that a bad day in Okinawa, was better than a good day in Montana.

I've tried, I really have. I just can't get down with the weather, it's either too cold or too hot to play outside, and I love being outside. The short time that being out side is doable we normally do it, but with my pregnancy this summer, I've been too miserable to enjoy it.
I just want to go for a walk on the beach, sit in the coffee shop at the mall and people watch, buy all the hello kitty stuff my heart desires. Every night I wish for a handfull of things one of them being the opportunity to go back. I know I can't stay forever but I want to be there as long as I can, I feel like we were short changed, Paul was deployed almost half the time we were there. He missed so much.
I should be grateful, My husband is home, he's not deployed, he comes home almost every night, He's safe.
I just need to suck it up, we have about 16 more months left here and I want to be able to look back and not think of Montana as the shittiest place ever. Maybe I'll get out today, it's only about 65 right now, not to hot, not too cold. My new motto "It is what you make it" It's gonna suck if I let it, Only I can make myself enjoy it here.



Have a lovely day, and remember to find me on Facebook!

-Alana

Sometimes I over do it

The last few days I have been all alone, and not leaving the house, between  not wanting anything bad to happen and a monstrous cold sore I developed (and I am extremely vain, and I don't want to be seen by anyone), I didn't leave the house until last night when Paul came home.

So I've spent too much time online, and that always leads me back to Okinawa.

I want to go back, there are lots of reasons, I've explored them before. But what I think it boils down to is food, friends, community, relaxation.

The food is simply amazing, and leaves nothing out, you can even get Mexican! (not great by mexican standards but still good, and good enough to hold me over)
We made some amazing friends over there. Friends that I will have forever.
Community, maybe part of it was that we were peaceful quiet neighbors, but even our Japanese neighbors always made us feel welcome. The Americans there have a sort of camaraderie where they are always available to help. I remember on one of our first weeks there we were without a car and walking and it started to rain, as it often does, and it poured. This family driving by saw us walking in the rain, without umbrellas, and she stopped and let us, soaking wet, into her nice clean car. She gave us a ride to base.  It wasn't totally out her her way, but it was totally unexpected.
The island is just so relaxing, I loved being able to ride my bike to the beach, and just listen to the waves. Even though traffic can be hectic, there is just something about driving around the island that I found peaceful.
Life just seemed so much simpler there.

I don't feel like we have that here.
Food is plain and boring, Chilis, Applebees, McD's. Yeah there are some local joints but everything is really burgers and fries or fried something.
Friends yeah, i've complained about that to no end, but It's really my fault I don't have friends.
Community, I don't think many of my neighbors even know each other. We've met a few of them, but except the woman across the street who lent me her phone and a ladder those two times I locked myself out, I wouldn't call them our friends.
Relaxation, although this place is nice, it's not relaxing. That's due to a combination of Pauls job that sucks, and my deep hatred for winter. I can't be relaxed when I'm all seasonally depressed.
Everything is so complicated. Life is so complicated.

But I've gotten sidetracked.
So over doing it... I have spent the better part of the last three days internet stalking Okinawa.
I have found more things to feed my hopes and dreams of one day going back.

OkiNinjaKitty - I don't know much about her yet, from what I gather she is living on Okinawa with her husband who is not part of the military (I think he is a contractor). She has a youtube channel where she posts Vlogs about life in Japan, and a facebook page. Some of them actually make my heart hurt to go back.
In fact this video is very near my house, maybe 15 minutes on my bike.



a bit more about this in a moment...

Also, Okinawa Hai, which i've been following since moving to Okinawa in 2008, has added a facebook group to go along with their facebook fan page.

And then there is the good old regulars:

Total Okinawa- where I can go and look at houses available for rent.

and the blogs:
Ramblings of a Marine Wife
True Love Conquers All

Those are the main ones I stick to, but i've even been finding myself on Okinawa Yard Sales. Which is just silly.

So I've over done it, and now I am sad.
Today my heart just wants to go back to the island, I just want to ride my bike up and down the pacific seawall. I want to splash in the ocean with the dogs. I want to walk to the izakaya with Paul and have an Orion and some takowasa, to have ramen in American Village, and Gyoza at the Sunabe Seawall at 4 am. To snorkel in the ocean, and hike up a castle. I miss these things so much, I just hope that someday they will happen again.

After watching OkiNinjaKitty I am entertaining the idea of vlogging again. I have thought about it before but I'm a little camera shy, also I don't know what I'd talk about. But I am giving it more thought. Maybe just show more of Montana. More about our house and our neighborhood. I need a dashcam. some way to hook my flip camera to the car and the handlebars of my bike.
I'm excited about this, maybe next week I'll have a video to share.

Have a lovely day, and remember to find me on Facebook!

-Alana

Mixed Emotions

I sort of lied when I said I don't have much going on right now. I actually have my mind running like crazy, but I don't know where to begin.

I've gone back to brown, I don't know if I mentioned that.... 

I am really homesick.
I really feel stupid missing Okinawa as much as I do. I think because life was just so simple there, and that it was rarely cold. I am having a hard time adjusting to the exact opposite.

April 7th, 2010

That picture was two years ago, and I'm sweating my balls off. Today, here in Montana, I am cold, and it's about 39 outside  with a possibility of sleet and snow for the next two days. 

Also Tuesday I met a girl downdown, who had seen my "I (heart) Okinawa" bumper sticker and stopped, the girl had lived in Okinawa last summer through a program in her highschool. It made my day. She was heading to the library for free japanese lessons. I am going to try to go next week. 

Also I am trying to get my shit together and get back into school. I submitted all the paperwork for financial aid in January, hoping to get into spring classes and I never heard back. Of course it's my own fault for not following up. So now I am hoping for summer. I finally got our taxes done and I am really hoping to get into at least one class this summer term. I am so close yet so far from finishing my degree, I think I can get through the rest of my core classes at least by Fall session 2 so I can focus on my major. 

I've been trying to get my fitness on with Zumba and I've been walking. Trying to eat responsibly, and take better care of myself, Paul and I both need to re-evaluate our diets. 

Prairie dogs from my walk yesterday.  

Work is going well, for both of us, although it doesn't leave much time for activities. Most of our ventures out of the house consist of going out to dinner. Which is part of the aforementioned problem.

I think this weekend I need to plan something for us to do that gets us out of the house, but takes in to account the possible shitty weather. I need a touristy guide book for Helena. 

The dogs are good too, not to jinx it, but we haven't been to the vet for an urgent care, or emergency visit in MONTHS!  I am so proud of my little boogers for being so good. 

I just can't decide how I feel, I certainly have the winter blues, and I am horribly homesick, but I am overall pleased with the way our lives have been lately. I just can't wait until Recruiting Duty is over and we can have our lives back. I'm ready to move on from here.

Homesick for Okinawa

I shouldn't try to hide it. I've been a little down lately. I really miss Okinawa. I miss the whole island lifestyle. I miss living a mile from the ocean. I miss the big shopping centers. I miss the fresh fish. 

I miss the whole thing. 

There are good days and bad days. But I still have days where I miss it as much as I did the day we left. 

I hope that we get to go back. We've got a little less then two years left on recruiting duty. We are both hoping that after we will be given the opportunity to move back to Okinawa, Japan. 

I find myself constantly looking at houses for rent. 

I know what I want, and occasionally I find a house or two that are everything (on paper) that I am looking for. 

The other day I found the Maekawa House. 

a little vent

Yesterday I lost my work apron. Between leaving work and going to Buffalo Wild Wings (less than a mile, and I drove). I think I lost it in my work parking lot.
It's no secret that I suffer from anxiety, yesterday and today the anxiety over this has been awful. I am not that upset about the apron itself, but of the stuff in it. I hate the feeling when I loose things. Even trivial things that can be replaced. I have searched work, BWW, and both parking lots. I think it's gone.
I wish that my anxiety wasn't so consuming.
I hate anxiety.
I hate that it overwhelms my life.
I had to take 2 anxiety pills at 3 am so I could sleep.
I know how incredibly stupid it sounds, but all I could imagine was my poor work apron and it's lovely contents sitting in some losers car, or in some dumpster.
I know I am crazy, and I get attached to inanimate objects.

I don't work again until friday, and I am hoping that when I go into work friday it miraculously appears. Or someone from work calls me and says they found it.

WTF

i just wrote a whole blog and now it's gone
WTF!
fine you have to wait for tomorrow because it's almost midnight and I have to work in 12 hours.
fuck.

Blue Valentine

I just watched this movie, and holy shit is it depressing. It took me several days to finish it because I just don't seem to have a lot of time to just sit and watch a movie. I like movies where I can do more than just watch the movie, like knit or do some chores. Well this movie isn't like that. You have to pay attention. It goes back and forth in time but only about 7 years. So the characters don't change a whole lot in appearance. So if you don't pay attention it it's hella confusing. But I finished it and now I am sad. I hope I never end up like that.

He's gonna be okay but...

if we are friends on facebook you may have already read this.

[taken on our camping trip while stopped on the drive]

Renji got bit by the neighbor dogs through the fence this afternoon. It's a wooden fence and the spaces are just big enough for Renji's little paws. The dogs bark at each other all the time but this time Renji's paw must have slipped throuh a space and their dog grabbed it it took me more than a few seconds of screaming to get them to let him go. They chewed his arm up pretty good. He's staying overnight at the vet. Nothing is broken and they don't think anything is torn, but he has pretty severe bruising and swelling. He got a few stitches but only where the webbing on two of his toes got torn apart. Once the swelling goes down they are going to check it out again and make sure he has no torn ligaments, but he looks good thus far. I have since put up deer fence on our side of the fence so this doesn't happen again. My heart hurts for my poor little doggie, I don't think I've ever spent the night without him. Trying to keep myself busy until I can go pick him up tomorrow afternoon.  

Blogger problems

is anyone else having blogger problems?

when i post a picture i get a meta error when i try to post.

also when i link my blog to my facebook i get a bunch of html instead of a text preview.

i also have a real hard time changing fonts, it just doesn't stick and reverts to whatever this is.

this has been going on for weeks.

i guess i need to find time to zero out my layout and start from scratch, because i think that's where it's coming from the layout, unless everyone else is having problems.

let me know if you are before i go and do what cannot be undone.

Goodbye Home.

Oh noes! I missed two days!

We'll it's not a failure in my book, I've just been BANANAS busy. Yesterday was spent all day moving. The internet was shut off early and we spent the whole day dealing with movers, and running minor errands. Last night we checked into our temporary housing, it's non-military and it looks like a little apartment, I'll post pictures tomorrow, if I can find my camera cable. Today we did all the cat and dog stuff, got all of our health certificates, checked in the quarantine office in Naha at the airport, and also sold the Prelude. Tomorrow I may get to sleep in, hopefully. I am exhausted. But things are running fairly smooth.

It could always be worse

I just have to keep telling myself.
School is going well, social life is good, talked to Paul last night so that's fantastic.
Then last night I went to bed. Packed up the laptop and carried it upstairs, as I do every night. Put it on the bed, plugged it in opened it back up and the display didn't come on. I wigle the mouse thinking maybe It just went to sleep or is stuck i sleep mode, no dice. So I manual power off and reboot. Unfortunatly at this point I already know what is wrong, I'm just trying to prove myself wrong. Still nothing. I do the reboot: unplug, remove battery hold power button for 30 seconds, battery back, plug in an power on. Laptop powers up, fans come on, keyboard lights up.... No display.
Several months ago I had an issue with the display going out bit it always came back, after some research I found that the video card in my model is known to fail. They will almost always fix it under warranty within two years of purchase. My two years was up about 30 days ago.
This morning I called Apple in Japan, and they are going to pick my laptop up Sunday. Ship it to a fixer place. And I should have it back in about 10 days. And there is a chance it'll still be warranty. This is great.
So I had a nice lunch with Joselyn and on my way home I ran over a bolt. Huge bolt. Thankfully I made it to the auto shop and I am now waiting on a tire repair.

It could be worse.

George Carlin

i have recently formed a tight bond with George Carlin, as he is the narrator of the Thomas the Tank Engine, and the little girl i babysit is in love with Thomas. I just came to this notion yesterday to be precise. and i asked myself. is George still alive? after some thought, i agreed with myself that he was in fact still alive. sort of morbid that i had that thought process the day before his actual passing.

so in memoriam:

Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Motherfucker
Tits
Fart
Turd
Twat

even though this was way before my time, i still have much respect for George Carlin, he was a great man. 

we'll miss you George

Friday

Tomorrow will be the happiest day of my life, okay that is a little dramatic, but it will be a great day, it is the first day of my five day vacation! early morning Paul and i will depart our home, sadly leaving our kitty behind to be watched by our neighborshe should be okay i just feel guilty leaving him in an empty house for five days. I feel like a bad mom, we just can't take him, Paul's mom has a Dog plus she always leaves her back door open and if he escaped i would never forgive myself. but it will be a good day because we get to have sonic for dinner, there is a sonic in Pennsylvania, its a little out of the way but we don't mind because Sonic Rocks!!!

Today i was so happy to leave work, it totally made my day. i am really getting sick of that place so it will be nice when i leave in September. so nice.
i feel so guilty about leaving my baby, i think i will go spend time with him, i may be back, probably not though.

No warm shower for me

i know this is just disgusting, but today marks day four without hot water, i have not had a real shower since saturday morning. Sunday i took a freezing shower, and yesterday i boiled some water to take a bath, but i still feel dirty. perhaps cleaning the house will make me feel clean.